Task Force 141 Member: John Soap MacTavish
by TurtleMaster341
Summary: Basically, just a bunch of one-shots centered around Soap and the crazy stuff that happens around the base. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

**Hey everyone! This is TM341 and I LOVE CALL OF DUTY( especially the MW series)! But, what I love about the series the most is…that's right! F***ing JOHN "SOAP" MACTAVISH! But I hate the fact that they killed him in the series, near the end of MW3! Infinity Ward you fools! Do you have any idea what pain you've caused us!? Anyway, I have a special place in my heart for the Scottish captain, and I just wanted to write a bunch of one-shots about his crazy times at the base with the rest of the team. I also might include a few OCs to join in the fun and I might ask you guys to help out as well. Anyway, without further ado, here is TF141 M: J"S"M!**

**Chapter 1:**

"How the hell am I still alive?" I asked myself as I sat in my office staring at the wall.

Nothing was going on today and I was bloody bored out of my mind. I tried doing paperwork, but who the hell wants to do paperwork at this time? Certainly not me. I got up from my desk and went over to Ghost's room. I knocked on the door and went in. Ghost was sitting on his bed doing some shit on his computer.

"Hey, Ghost, whatcha up to, mate?" I asked.

"Oh, just looking up some rocking porn videos. You want to jack off to them with me? What the bloody hell's it look like I'm fucking doing!? I'm doing your paperwork from yesterday! You know, you should really ask a good captain on how to fucking do paperwork!" he replied.

"Jeez. No need to get pissy, mate, I was just going to ask you if you wanted to do something."

"Like what 'Tav?"

"I don't know! I'm damn bored out of my mind and I can't seem to find anything to do!"

"Why don't you help me out with this paperwork!"

"Ghost, I want to do something fun, not something that makes me want to shoot myself after five minutes of just going through one damn man's records."

"Well, sorry, but you won't find anything fun in here."

"Okay, see you later Ghost."

"Fuck you."

I closed the door behind me and just stood leaning on Ghost's door for a minute. Simon "Ghost" Riley, one of the best and craziest soldiers I've ever met. When we first met, he didn't trust me for shite. But after some time, we became good friends. I always think about the day we met as if it were yesterday.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**(3****rd**** person POV)**

Soap was nervous. He had agreed to become the captain of the Task Force and he was about to find out who his lieutenant was. His heart was skipping beats and his stomach was in knots. He got out of the chopper and was greeted by General Shepherd.

"Welcome, Soap. This here is your lieutenant, Simon Riley," he said.

"John MacTavish," he said as he reached out and waited for Simon to give him his hand.

Simon then firmly gripped Soap's hand and shook it and said, "Ghost."

"Right, well, let me show you around."

After they took a tour of the base, Sheperd left the two and they settled their things in their own rooms. Soap was in his room, thinking about Ghost.

'_He seemed like he's not impressed by me. Oh, boy, if I'm going to run this team, I've got to be at good terms with my lieutenant first,' _he thought. He decided to go and talk to Ghost. He knocked and then went inside and saw that Ghost was still unpacking his stuff.

"What do you want?" asked Ghost.

"I just thought we kind of got off on the wrong foot," replied Soap.

"No, we didn't."

"Well, I want to know a little bit more about you."

"Listen here, _captain_, first, I don't want you to know anything about me. Second, don't even try to impress me to get some kind of friendship with me. And third, wait until I say 'Come in' so you can come into my room, got it?"

Soap was confused at first, but then, got mad and said, "Now you listen here you little shite. I'm your fucking captain and you're going to respect me as you're supposed to since you're _my lieutenant_. Also, if we're going to be a team, you and I are going to have to get along whether you want to or not, got it?"

After a few seconds of silence, Ghost said, "Well, captain, it seems like you and me are going to be good friends."

"Wait, what?"

"You're an idiot. I don't give a fucking shit about first impressions or coming into my room without my permission."

"I'm still confused."

"Yeah, no shit. Look, I normally like being secluded and don't give a shit about anyone, so remember that. And, I'm pretty sure we're going to be running a great team."

"Okay…um, anyway, I just have one more question."

"What?"

"What's with the mask?"

"I like being unknown, it makes me feel better if people know less about me than they should know."

"I see. Well, talk to you later…Ghost."

"Right, see you."

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**(Soap's POV)**

I still don't know whether we actually became friends that day, but, hey, I'll take it as a yes. I feel kind of bad about him doing all my paperwork. Oh well, that's the advantage I get to have from being the fucking CAPTAIN.

**And that's Chapter 1! I know, short, but I'll try to make them longer as they go. So, I'm think I'm going to add my OC in the next chapter and then you guys can help out in future chapters. I'm also going to make some chapters tie in together. Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave reviews if you can, I live hearing what you guys think and what you think I should do to make the One-Shots better.**

'**Til next time! –TM341**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**Hey good people of Earth! I'm back with chapter 2 and I hope you guys liked the first chapter. I know it was short but like I said, I'll make them longer as they go on. Anyway, I wanted to mention that I was going to make a separate story with the same setup. It's going to be a more serious side to these one-shots and they're going to be more of a story, pre-MW2 through post-MW3. I'll probably put it up in a day or two I still have to think about it. Anyway, enough with the chit-chat. On with chapter 2! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2:**

I was walking down one of the few corridors of the base when Roach came running up to me.

"What's wrong Roach?" I asked.

He took a few seconds to catch his breath and then said, "It's Toad and Meat, sir. They're fighting again in the mess hall."

"Do you know why?"

"Not a clue, sir. They were already fighting when I got there."

"Well, let's go see why, then."

Roach and I ran down to the mess hall and saw that Meat and Toad were still fighting. I went up to them and pulled them apart and said, "Hey! Why the hell are you two fighting this time?"

"Meat took the last damn piece of pie from the fridge when he knew that it was mine!" yelled Toad.

"It's first come first serve bitch! Don't give me that shit of 'it was mine'! Boo-fucking-hoo," said Meat.

The two of them began to argue and yell again. I just couldn't handle it anymore and snapped, saying, "All right, both of you, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Both got quiet and let me continue, "Now, I want you both to stop this stupid nonsense and just forget that this ever fucking happened. I thought you two would've been fighting over something more serious, like you guys do most of the time. But, over a fucking piece of pie? Idiots! Now, I'm going to leave, and if I come back and you two are fighting again, physically or verbally, I swear I will make you two run laps around base until your feet fucking BLEED! Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," they both said in unison.

"Good, carry on," I said as I left the mess hall and went to my office. I sat down and put my face in my hands and sighed. How the hell do I not have gray hairs with all the stress that these retards give me? Maybe I should start making Ghost do all this shite. Speaking of Ghost, I haven't seen him all day. I decided to go see what he was up to and went to his room. I knocked and went in to see that he wasn't there. Where the bloody hell was Ghost? I looked in the mess hall, where Meat and Toad were quiet the whole time I was in there. I looked in the armory and then the infirmary, but he was nowhere to be found. Now, I began to worry. I thought of places around base that he likes to go to, but I had already searched those places. I went back to the mess hall again and saw Roach trying to balance a knife with his tongue. What a dumbass. I grabbed the knife and pulled him out of his chair. I dragged him outside the mess hall and asked him if he knew where Ghost was. He told me to check some kind of 'secret' spot he and Ghost would go to hang out. I decided to check there, since it was my only option left. And, when I arrived, sure enough, there he was, sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette. I walked up behind him and asked, "Where have you been?"

Apparently, I scared him, because he grabbed me and flipped me over on my back. I groaned and gasped for some air. He helped me up when he realized it was me.

" 'Tav! Don't you ever, I mean ever, fucking scare me like that!" he yelled.

"I'll put that down in my journal," I said, still groaning.

"Sorry about that. See, I came here because I needed some air."

"Oh, well you could have told me you were going to do that, mate."

"I know, but I just didn't have the patience to tell you, so I just came here."

"I thought you had gone off and killed yourself or something."

"No, I wouldn't do that, at least not here."

I chuckled and sat down for a few seconds.

"You're lucky I didn't have a knife, because, if I did, I would have slit your throat."

"I believe you, mate."

"Now, what say you we go back and see what's going on in the mess hall."

"How about we just go back and go to my office to do some paperwork."

"But I thought you didn't like-"

I quickly dragged him back to base and we went to my office to do paperwork, I didn't want to see what was going on in the mess hall right now. After an hour of paperwork, Roach came in and said, "Captain?"

"It's Meat and Toad isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Hey Ghost, I've got a job for you to do."

"Oh no."

**And that's chapter 2! Hope you liked it! Yeah, still kind of short, but not to fear, I'll make it up to all! And, get ready for my other story! I'll let you guys know when I'm going to put it up. Anyway, leave reviews and don't forget to come back for more of the craziness of the task force and their captain!**

'**Til next time!-TM341**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Hello everyone! I hope you're all enjoying my one-shots of the 141 and their captain! Anyway, so I just wanted to announce, I'm going to upload another story soon, it's going to be called, "Task Force Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish and the 141." It's going to be a Tragedy, Friendship, and Romance story. It won't necessarily focus on romance, so never fear. Anyway, sorry to keep you waiting. Here's the next one-shot! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 3:**

I was walking to the mess hall, when Meat walked by and he was humming some kind of tune. I looked at him and arched my eyebrow. What the heck was he humming? Anyway, I just shook my head and continued on into the mess hall. But, when I got there, everyone in there was actually humming the same tune that Meat was in the hallway. What the hell was going on? I saw Roach, Rocket, and Toad gathered around Roach's computer. I walked over to them and asked them, "What are you doing lads?"

"Oh, we're watching this video, sir. You want to watch?" asked Roach.

"Will I regret it?"

"No, at least I don't think you should."

"Well, all right then."

I sat down next to Roach and he pressed play. It started off with a tune and showing the sun and a dandelion flowing through the wind. Then, the horror began. I still remember the words clearly.

_Set fire to your hair_

_Poke a stick at a grizzly bear_

_Eat medicine that's out of date_

_Use your private parts as piranha bait_

_Chorus: _

_Dumb ways to die_

_So many dumb ways to die _

_Dumb way to di-i-i-ie_

_So many dumb ways to die_

_Get your toast out with a fork_

_Do your own electrical work_

_Teach yourself how to fly_

_Eat a two week old unrefrigerated pie_

_[repeat chorus]_

_Invite a psycho killer inside_

_Scratch a drug dealer's brand new ride_

_Take your helmet off in outer space_

_Use a clothes dryer as a hiding place_

_[repeat chorus]_

_Keep a rattle snake as a pet_

_Sell both your kidneys on the internet_

_Eat and chew super glue_

_I wonder what's this red button due?_

_[repeat chorus]_

_Dress up like a moose during hunting season_

_Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason_

_Stand on the edge of a train station platform_

_Drive around the boom gates at a level crossing_

_Run across the tracks between the platforms_

_They may not rhyme but they're quite possibly_

_The dumbest ways to die_

_The dumbest ways to die_

_The dumbest ways to di-ie-ie-ie_

_So many dumb_

_So many dumb ways to die_

In the end, it said to be safe around trains, a message from metro. What the bloddy hell?

"Wait, you mean to tell me that-" I began before Roach finished my sentence.

"It was a metro safety commercial? Yeah it was!"

"That has to be the stupidest video I have ever seen in my life!"

"Even stupider the video of you and Ghost doing-"

"Shut up, Roach!"

"Wait, what happened?" asked Rocket.

"Nothing! Nothing happened Rocket!"

"But, I want to know what happened!"

"I said, nothing happened! Now drop it! That's an order!"

I left the mess hall and went back to my office to help Ghost finish the paperwork. I sat back down and continued doing the paperwork. After five minutes of doing paperwork, I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was actually humming the tune of that damn video Roach showed me! Ghost apparently heard me because he asked me if I was all right. I told him I was fine and I was just humming a tune that reminded me of home. Of course, nothing could get past Ghost and he continued to stare at me. After about four minutes of staring at me, I told him that Roach showed me a video and now I couldn't get the tune out of my head. He asked me about what video I was talking about and I decided to show him on my computer. I pressed play and watched for his reaction. For the whole video, he just sat there, frozen, watching the horror in front of him. After the video finished, Ghost still didn't say anything. I waved my hand in front of his face and snapped my fingers in front of him, still no reaction.

"Ghost, you okay, mate?" I asked.

"…"

"Ghost?"

"…"

"Simon!"

"Hm? What?"

"So, what do you think?"

"That was the worst video in the history of videos. But, it did have a catchy tune."

"Okay."

We went back to doing paperwork. After a few minutes, I heard Ghost humming the tune of the video.

"Ghost mate, you all right?"

"Damn it."

**That's that for this one-shot! Just so you know, this is an actual video and it's like REALLY catchy! If you want to watch the video just look up dumb ways to die. Also, use this link watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw, Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave reviews! I love hearing what you guys think about my writings!**

'**Til next time! –TM341**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Hello again! Man, I update these chapters fast, don't I? I honestly don't even have enough time on my hands to type these, it really surprises me at how fast I upload these! Anyway, I put up another story and if you want to check it out (I would gladly appreciate it if you do) here's the link:** ** s/10312698/1/Task-Force-Captain-John-Soap-MacTavish-and-the-141**

**Anyway, on with the one-shots!**

**Chapter 4:**

It was a gloomy and boring day on the base. I was in the rec room with Roach and Ghost, who were both annoying the shite out of each other. I always question how the hell they're still friends when they always annoy each other. Ghost asked me to tell Roach to fuck off, but I just told him I was busy when I was actually just watching them annoy each other.

"Captain, please, HELP!" he pleaded.

"Wow, I've never seen you beg before, especially for a bug," I replied.

"What about that spider in his room the other day?" asked Roach.

"Oh yeah, that was bloody hilarious."

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**(A few days ago)**

I was walking down the hallway when Ghost's room door opened and I was pulled in.

"Ghost, what the hell, mate?" I asked.

"You need to help me 'Tav! I've got a problem!" he replied.

"What is it, lad?"

"It's a bug problem."

"Is it Roach?"

"NO! Not him look over there."

He pointed at his bed and said that there was a surprise for me under there. I went to see what it was. I lifted up the covers and saw the biggest FUCKING tarantula I have ever seen in my life. The thing had to be about five to six inches long and two to three inches wide. I jumped back a little then laughed my arse off.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" asked Ghost.

"I'll admit, mate, that thing's huge! But _you_ getting scared of a bug? Priceless."

"It's not funny you arsehole! Kill he damn thing!"

"Me? Oh, no. It's in your room, you kill it."

" 'Tav please, you don't understand. I hate spiders with a deep passion! If I were to find one on me when I woke up, I would die of a freaking heart attack!"

"Quit your worrying, mate. I'll handle it."

"Thank you so much!"

He hugged me and I told him to get off and stop acting like a freaking scared six-year-old child. I got to the door when he asked, "Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going to get back up?"

"Back up?"

"Trust me, mate. I'll be back, I promise."

I went to go and get Roach and a few of the other guys. When we came back, Ghost told us that the tarantula moved to his bathroom. Roach and I stepped in and saw that it was on the wall. I asked Roach to hand me the bucket and that he get ready with the spray.

"On the count of three," I told him as he nodded.

"One…Two…Three!"

He sprayed the beast and I quickly lunged myself at it with the bucket. But, we were to slow. The damn thing jumped and landed on Roach's head. He began to panic like a little girl and began to brush the top of his head rapidly, making the monster fly onto Toad. Toad threw the bug at Rocket, who then threw it at Meat. Then, Meat threw the bug at the one person I didn't want the bug to get on. Not me, but Ghost. When he realized that it was on his face, he lost it. He began to scream and ran frantically out of the room. We chased after him and saw him go into the armory. He's going to bloody shoot his face off! We quickly got into the armory, grabbed the gun from Ghost, tackled him down, quickly grabbed the spider and put it in the bucket. We helped Ghost up and told him that we caught it. He quickly grabbed a grenade, unclipped it and threw it under the bucket.

"Ghost! Are you out of your mind!" I yelled.

"Throw it!" yelled Roach.

I grabbed the bucket and threw it a good distance into the air. We all got down and the bucket, along with the tarantula, exploded in midair. We got up and Ghost came up next to me and said, "Now, it's gone."

"You are fucking CRAZY!" I yelled.

"At least I got rid of it," he said as he walked away.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

"You made one hell of a stunt and seen Ghost," I said.

"And I'm proud of it," he said.

"Hey, Ghost," said Roach.

"What?"

"There's a spider on your neck."

Ghost immediately got up and bolted through the door. I couldn't help but laugh hard at that.

"Oh, that's funny! Good one Roach!"

"Uh, I wasn't joking, sir."

I stopped laughing and quickly said, "Get the bucket and spray."

Here we go again.

**That's Chapter 4! Hope you enjoyed it and remember to stay tuned for more and please leave review of these one-shots of the 141! **

'**Til next time!-TM341**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5;**

**So, soon! Amazing isn't it? Anyway, no chit-chat, on with the show.**

**(Slash Warning)**

**Chapter 5:**

It was about 2100 and I was about to go to sleep, when Ghost came through my door.

"Simon? What's wrong, mate?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just, wanted to talk," he replied.

"At nine o'clock at night?"

"Why, too late for you? Does little Soapie have a bedtime?"

"No, I don't. It's just I really cherish my damn sleep."

"Don't worry this won't be over an hour."

"An hour?"

"Just, shut up! I've noticed something lately."

"And what would that be?"

"I don't know if it's just me, or if you have just been staring at me for most of these past few days."

I was shocked to hear what Ghost said.

"What are you saying Ghost?"

"'Tav, are you…gay?"

"What? No! Why the hell would you ask me that question!"

"Just wondering I mean, you've been staring at me this whole week nonstop and you've also been kind of avoiding me this week. Why is that, captain?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, mate. I'm not gay."

"Okay, believe what you want."

"But, it's the truth!"

"Okay, I believe you."

"Good, now go to bed."

"Oh you'd like me to go to bed huh? Especially with you, am I right?"

He was being an ignorant dumbarse right now and I just wanted him to leave right now.

"Ghost, are you drunk?"

"No, I haven't drunken anything this whole week!"

"Not even water?"

"Excluding water, which by the way, I need to live."

"So then why the random accusation?"

"Because…well, you know…I j-just wanted to know if you were gay."

"Mhm, sure. Are you sure it's not you that's gay, Simon?"

"What? No! I'm as straight as a stripper pole you bloody wanker!"

"Okay, sure."

"What, you don't believe me?"

"What is it that you like about me hm? Is it my muscles? My mohawk? My eyes? My accent? My dick? What is it Riley? Tell me."

"No, I'm not and I mean NOT, at all g-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence because I smashed my lips against his. He was taken back for a few seconds, but then I felt him kiss me back. I slipped my tongue through his lips and asked for entrance into his mouth. He quickly let me in and I began to explore his mouth. It was hot, moist and felt great. We broke the kiss to catch some air because we had been kissing for a whole two minutes. He looked at me and said, "Y-You're gay, too?"

"No, I just wanted to see how it felt like to kiss another man and to show you that you are gay."

"…Oh."

"You really are stupid aren't you? Of course I'm gay you dumbarse!"

"That explains a lot."

"So?"

"So, what?"

"Why don't we continue where we left off hm? And, maybe go even further, if you know what I mean?"

"Oh, let me lock the door first."

He went over and locked the door and, well, you know what happened next…

**SUPER SHORT CHAPTER I KNOW, SORRY! Don't worry, I'll make the next one a bit longer for your eyes to savor!**

'**Til next time!-TM341**


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